'I told my husband to sleep with another woman': Wife's incredible offer because sex was so painful after the menopause

• Elaine Feeley and her husband Keef had always had an active sex life
• But after the menopause sex became unbearably painful 
• She has vaginal atrophy, which affects many postmenopausal women 
• After four years, she says they had become more like 'brother and sister'
• Feeling guilty about not having sex, Elaine told Keef to find another woman
• But after relationship counselling, they have a good sex life again

Elaine Feeley says she felt so guilty that she and her husband Keef hadn't had sex in four years that she told him to sleep with someone else

A woman has described how going through the menopause killed her sex life - because intercourse became so painful. 

Elaine Feeley, 58, says she felt so guilty that she and her husband Keef hadn't had sex in four years that she told him to sleep with someone else. 

Despite the couple always enjoying an active sex life, she says everything changed when she went through the menopause.

She said: 'We've been together for 20 years and used to have a great sex life. When I first slept with Keef I'd never had an orgasm like it before. 

'I used to say "I feel this good I could die this minute" - it couldn't feel better. It was like that for a long time.

'But after the menopause sex was, at first, uncomfortable.

'Then one night I just had the most horrendous pain, as if I'd been stabbed. I pushed my husband off, saying "stop, go away - I can't enjoy sex any more".

'My desire hasn't gone, but I'm fearful of the pain I want my sex life back. I've had 40 years of orgasms and now I've been robbed of them.' 

The couple share their story in a new documentary on More 4 called The Week The Women Came, which reveals that one in three women have sexual difficulties that rob them of ability to orgasm.

Because they no longer had sex, intimacy between Elaine and Keef, 61, had plummeted to an all-time low - and she confesses in the programme they are more like brother and sister. 

She adds: 'We always swore we'd never have separate beds - but that's not what happens.

'We love each other dearly but the spiritual connection has vanished, that secret spark in the eye that you share.

'I'd like to get that sparkle back and not tears.'

In the programme Elaine meets Trudy Hannigan, a psychosexual therapist who regularly treats people with sex and relationship problems at her clinic in Yorkshire.

Trudy explains: 'Sex seems like a luxury, so if it goes wrong, it's the last thing that gets fixed. It's not considered important enough, but when something goes wrong it can be devastating for self-esteem and confidence.' 

Elaine is found to be suffering from vaginal atrophy, or dryness, which is very common after the menopause. 

Here, the vagina shrinks and dries out, the cervix lowers and some women experience a chafing, carpet-burn feeling during sex.

A survey commissioned by the British Menopause Society found that 45 per cent of women who have reached the menopause had suffered from atrophy and 70 of those women said their sex life had suffered drastically as a result.

Despite being offered oestrogen cream to restore the balance of the hormone that drops after the menopause, Elaine didn't want to pursue the HRT route. 

Although she and Keef tried numerous other lubricants, nothing helped. 

Over time, Elaine backed away from Keef, fearing any intimacy would be leading him on - and she wouldn't be able to satisfy him.

'If he got aroused I felt guilty, like I was teasing him. I know he is still a virile, active man and I told him to go out and have sex with someone else.

She adds: 'But really, I know he wouldn't - his view is unselfish - he wants to give me pleasure.'

Trudy's mission is to help inject some intimacy back into the couple's relationship. Now, they must kiss each other hello and goodbye, have date nights, give each other 10-minute massages and write notes to each other.

Two months later, after slow and steady progress, Elaine and Keef have made it back to familiar ground for the first time in four years. 

While Elaine no longer feels she can have penetrative sex, she and Keef have found other ways of keeping each other satisfied.

Elaine tells the camera that Keef has given her multiple orgasms that morning and they have 'big smiles' on their faces.

She adds: 'Instead of thinking about my old sex like, I'm going to focus on my new one. I love this man.'

Source:Dailymail