Wednesday 29 May 2013

Communication in loving relationships

Intimate relationships often struggle with communication issues. One problem is a lack of communication. How might this happen in a loving relationship? Sometimes couples have a traumatic experience that places a barrier between them. Or after a big argument, what starts as “giving the other the silent treatment” might roll into a shut down. Sometimes it is a creeping process where partners get more and more involved in his/her own routine until they stop communicating with each other. 

A lack of quality communication can also weaken a relationship. When a couple begins talking only about surface issues, such as their daily routines and responsibilities, and not about their feelings, they often begin falling out of love, losing the emotional bonds which had initially drawn them together. 

It does take some proactive steps to get couples who have stopped emotional communication back on track, but it can happen! Here are some tips to get started.

  • The important first step is to get each partner to acknowledge that there has been a change. Then together they can begin the process of restoring open and meaningful communication, and rekindling their emotional closeness.
  • Talk, and then talk more. Start with sharing some feeling words, using the phrase “I feel…” and proceed from there.
  • Write out and then share some of the characteristics that attracted or bonded you to your partner when you met.
  • Take a risk! Try talking about an issue that has been difficult to discuss in the past.
  • Ask clarifying questions. Be curious about how your partner felt about their daily activities and experiences over the past week, not just what those experiences were.
  • Start with a question, such as “Can we discuss…?” or “Can we talk about…?”
  • Schedule a regular time to be alone together, uninterrupted.Agree to find a weekly time that is protected from other responsibilities and use some of that time to discuss how to strengthen your relationship. Put this on your calendars and make time for yourselves!

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